Eve and Pete's Story

We joke that we take turns being the carer. Pete had a heart attack five years ago, and Eve looked after him through the recovery. Then Eve was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, and Pete became her carer. Now we look after each other, which sounds romantic until you realise it means neither of us has anyone to lean on.

The reality is that we are both carers and both cared-for, and the system does not quite know what to do with us. We each have our own needs, but those needs overlap and sometimes conflict. On Pete's bad heart days, Eve cannot do the physical tasks. On Eve's flare-up days, Pete cannot manage the emotional load.

Carers in Luton assessed us both and helped us build a support plan that accounts for both sets of needs. The couples counselling service helped us communicate better about what we each need on difficult days. We are stronger together, but only because someone helped us see that needing help is not the same as failing.